ABOUT THIS STORY-PAGE BREAK SO TO SPEAK!

Readers, thank you for reading!

Just a little information about this story.

I wrote this story about Nicky many years ago.  The story about Nicky is fiction.  But the facts about her thoughts and feelings, and dealing with life, are very real.

I know this first hand.   But I didn't want to write my story.  I wanted to write "a" story.  A story that explains to others what happens to our hearts and our thoughts, and how we view the world.   And by "we" I guess I mean "me".   But I've talked to enough "others" to know that I am not alone in my skewed view.  And isn't that sad that there are so many of us.   I started Nicky's story at the end of the physical part of the sexual abuse.   But the abuse doesn't end there.  Because of the abuser Nicky deals with the abuse every day when she looks in the mirror and sees the person the abuser saw.  Someone who "deserved" to be hurt, or wasn't as good as everyone else so she/he can be taken advantage of.

But this story isn't about what the abuser did.  Not as much as it is about what Nicky does.  Or will do.

I wrote the story so very long ago that as I retype it here I am not really happy with it.  But I'm trying to stick with it.  I think it is a very important story to tell.   Please stick with me.  I promise there are some redeeming parts to this.

Because for Nicky, for me, for anyone who has been sexually abused....what matters is us.  We do matter.  And what is going on inside of us is not easy to deal with.

I'm not speaking "for" anyone else.  I'm writing a story trying to paint a picture of the inside of a life that was hurt, tortured and demeaned.   And I want the picture to show the world that I am not broken.

This happened to me.  I have spent my life choosing who I will be.  Not letting what happened to me decide who I am.

Please bare with me as I try to get this story out.  It's not exactly how I want it.   But it's a process.  Any feedback is appreciated.